I was working at home which I get to do a little each week. I love my work-at-home days. It was Thursday and the weather had truly turned to winter. It was a busy day at the computer and after work, I stacked some wood onto the rack on the front porch.

Working my way down through the pile of wood in the back of the yard, I realized that I was getting, finally to the bottom. I remembered when Mike had built the wood pile so long ago and realized that it had taken at least 15 years to get to the bottom of it. He died over 10 years ago and the stack of neatly assembled logs in the frame he built was still a healthy heap at that point. As I was putting the wood in a wheelbarrow to cart it in three loads over to the front porch, I came upon a dead rat. It was all petrified, tail curled, stiff and white. I got a hand trowel and threw it into the trash bin.

I was tired because I had stayed up late the night before, finishing The Secret Life of Bees, which I highly recommend. So I decided to take a short nap and slipped onto the guest bed with the bunchy pillows. Pretty soon I was asleep. I dreamed of Mike, that he was coming home. In my dream, I heard his footsteps in the kitchen and I rustled deeper under the afghan I had from my grandma as I was slowly waking up. But when I opened my eyes, I remembered he was gone.

This doesn't happen to me too often any more, but it does sometimes. I thought of the movie Something's Gotta Give, my all time favorite romantic comedy. There is a scene in the kitchen where Jack Nicholson says to Diane Keaton, "Do you ever miss being married? I'll bet you were great at it."

"Not so much," she says. "Well maybe at night."

"Why at night?" he asks.

"Well," she says, "That's when the alone thing happens. It's quiet, the phone doesn't ring so much. But I learned some things, like sleeping in the middle of the bed. There aren't sides any more, so you just have to sleep in the middle of the bed."

Yes, I thought on waking up, there is that married rhythm that slips in and touches me when I am unaware every so often. That "what are we having for dinner?" rhythm. It must be the change in the seasons today, the chill in the air, the coziness in my kitchen with a good book and that toffee tea I just discovered that's great with a little honey.  I am remembering tonight to sleep in the middle of the bed.